{"id":444,"date":"2006-02-14T00:40:53","date_gmt":"2006-02-14T04:40:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/?p=444"},"modified":"2006-09-15T11:11:26","modified_gmt":"2006-09-15T15:11:26","slug":"number-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/2006\/02\/14\/number-11\/","title":{"rendered":"Number 11"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Dick
\nSource<\/a>, via<\/a><\/font><\/p>\n

Number eleven, of course, is “bust a shell up in your face, yo”.<\/p>\n

Or, as WikiNews<\/a> puts it:<\/p>\n

U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter on Saturday during a bird hunting trip at a south Texas ranch.<\/p>\n

The victim, 78 year-old Harry Whittington, is an Austin lawyer who was accompanying the Vice President on a south Texas quail hunt when he was sprayed with shotgun pellets to his face and chest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(Note that WikiNews uses Cheney’s official portrait, a.k.a. the “dirty old man wink<\/a>” shot.)<\/p>\n

Accidentally shot him in the face, huh?<\/p>\n

CBS<\/a> , among other things, adds the details that Whittington is a millionaire, and that everyone was wearing the orange hunting jackets. (CBS also ran the story alongside the “Dick Cheney will eat your soul<\/a>” photo, which is always a nice upbeat way to go.)<\/p>\n

Most of the stories (like this one at CNN<\/a>, the only one to show Whittington’s face–or rather, what his face used to look like) are now focused on why the news was released by a private citizen, rather than on the question of whether or not it actually was an accident.<\/p>\n

Well, I have some theories of my own about what might actually have happened:<\/p>\n

1) Cheney mistakes Whittington for Scooter Libby
\n2) Whittington acted against the family and needed a lesson. “Hunting with Whittington”==”Fishing With Fredo”
\n3) Cheney, in a moment of weakness, temporarily loses control of body to Zarathos<\/a>, who goes on a killing spree
\n4) Plans to open Seventh Seal with blood of corrupted ancient cleverly thwarted by “those darn kids”. Corrupted ancient escapes with only injuries
\n5) Whittington innocent victim of bet between Cheney and Secret Service agent about how easy it would be to cover up blatant murder
\n6) Administration’s sheer incompetence extends to hunting, where they can actually accidentally shoot people in orange vests IN THE FACE.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Source, via Number eleven, of course, is “bust a shell up in your face, yo”. Or, as WikiNews puts it: U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter on Saturday during a bird hunting trip at a south Texas ranch. The victim, 78 year-old Harry Whittington, is an Austin lawyer who was accompanying the Vice President on a… Read more →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-political","xfolkentry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5UQvw-7a","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}