So, I did manage to travel half-way around the world between Friday and Sunday, popping in on London and Honk Kong before settling down in Melbourne.<\/p>\n
My days have been pretty work-focused so far: Monday I essentially worked all day, returned to the hotel ate dinner, and was asleep before 9. Yesterday (Tuesday) I worked all day, then went down to the pub with some of the boys, where we raised a few pints, had some good discussions, and eventually had some dinner, before I went back to the hotel. Sadly I fell asleep before 10. <\/p>\n
I’m hoping to get a chance to post a few things here tonight–although the lure of stopping in at the Crown<\/a> for the Aussie Millions<\/a> is pretty high. (If I see Jennifer Tilly<\/a> down there, I’m totally going get her to write a Happy Birthday note to my pal Neil, who has a birthday later this week. He’s a great fan of her… um… poker skills. Yeah, poker skills.)<\/p>\n Anyway, in the meantime I just want to present the story of my arrive in Melbourne this time. I haven’t had a chance to write it up for posting, but since I did tell it to my friend Matt in a chat, I’ll just adapt that. While this may come across as whinging, I assure you that it is meant comedically.<\/p>\n The hotel story: Matt:<\/strong> so, what happened to your hotel? Did you get bumped from the swanky hotel next to the office? So, I did manage to travel half-way around the world between Friday and Sunday, popping in on London and Honk Kong before settling down in Melbourne. My days have been pretty work-focused so far: Monday I essentially worked all day, returned to the hotel ate dinner, and was asleep before 9. Yesterday (Tuesday) I worked all day, then went down… Read more →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[75,178,185,191],"class_list":["post-1087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-storytime","tag-comedy","tag-incompetence","tag-melbourne","tag-travel","xfolkentry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5UQvw-hx","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1087"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chrismclaren.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/p>\n
\nChris:<\/strong> Christ.
\nChris:<\/strong> So, I get here Sunday night. I’ve been awake since Friday morning, and I last showered Friday morning. I just want to get to my hotel and shower and sleep.
\nChris:<\/strong> It took forever to get out of the airport–you have to do immigration, then wait for luggage, then customs, THEN some of us–apparently I am threatening or something–had to do another security checkpoint where your luggage is x-rayed on the way out. That last bit makes for a long lineup, apparently. I suspect that they thought I might be trying to sneak food, or possibly a frog, into Australia.
\nChris:<\/strong> Then I get a cab, and have the guy take me to what I think is my hotel. You know, the address on the itinerary that the local office emailed me. It’s about a half-hour ride from the airport.
\nChris:<\/strong> He drops me off around 11:15.
\nChris:<\/strong> PM
\nMatt:<\/strong> oh no….
\nChris:<\/strong> So I’m standing outside the hotel, with my luggage–two weeks worth–and laptop bag, and I can almost smell the shower.
\nChris:<\/strong> I walk up to the door, reach out and pull on it.
\nChris:<\/strong> And it doesn’t move.
\nChris:<\/strong> OK. No worries. It’s after 11. I probably need to hit a buzzer or something.
\nChris:<\/strong> I look around.
\nChris:<\/strong> No buzzer.
\nMatt:<\/strong> crap
\nChris:<\/strong> I do, however, find a sign that says “Reception is available from 7AM to 11PM. For afterhours emergencies call XXX.”
\nMatt:<\/strong> What the hell?
\nChris:<\/strong> So, I’m the middle of South Melbourne, after 11PM on a Sunday night, with all my gear. I have no cell, and even if I did it wouldn’t work here.
\nChris:<\/strong> Obviously I need to find a pay phone.
\nChris:<\/strong> And some Australian change. I got some money from the ATM at the airport, but I suspect that they payphone won’t take fifties.
\nChris:<\/strong> So I start wandering the streets carrying all my shit, looking for a payphone and a convenience store.
\nMatt:<\/strong> (i’m not laughing… really)
\nChris:<\/strong> I’ll shorten this part–eventually I found a place that was open on Sunday night, late, got some change and found a phone, and called for the afterhours on call person.
\nChris:<\/strong> So she meets me at the hotel, and immediately starts yelling at me.
\nMatt:<\/strong> What? no “G’day mate!”
\nChris:<\/strong> Because, apparently, they told the travel agent to remind me that there was no reception after 11, and it’s all my fault. I don’t bother explaining that I didn’t book the hotel, never spoke to the travel agent, and it was probably impossible that I could have been there before 11 given my flight anyway.
\nChris:<\/strong> Whatever.
\nChris:<\/strong> So she charges me $30 for coming down there after hours. I don’t care–work is paying that little bill.
\nChris:<\/strong> Then she charges me a $300 safety deposit on the room, which I will get back when I check out. Weird, but whatever–I just want a shower and a bed.
\nChris:<\/strong> So all this is done, and she hands me a key.
\nChris:<\/strong> I’m about to ask how to get to the elevator when she then hands me a map.
\nMatt:<\/strong> I’ve never heard of a safety deposit on a hotel room…
\nChris:<\/strong> A map to where my hotel actually is.
\nMatt:<\/strong> what?!
\nChris:<\/strong> Yeah, the building I’m actually staying in is several blocks away.
\nChris:<\/strong> It doesn’t have a reception desk at all, so they do reception for it (between 7AM and 11PM, of course) at this building.
\nMatt:<\/strong> oh jesus
\nChris:<\/strong> So getting close to midnight, I once again find myself wandering the streets of South Melbourne, still carrying all my shit, trying to find my actual hotel. Nothing like walking around with suitcases and a map in the middle of the night to make you feel like a target. The good news is that the lads tell me this is a very safe area, and I could have been doing that while $50 bills were falling out of my pocket in a trail behind me, and I still would have been fine. (Of course they also told me a lot of stories about guys with homemade prison tattoos in the bars on this block, so the Australian idea of safe may vary.)
\nChris:<\/strong> Eventually I find the hotel. It has no huge sign or anything–just looks like an apartment building.
\nMatt:<\/strong> Well, at least you travel light… not like you’re carrying books or something
\nChris:<\/strong> There’s a giant staircase you have to walk up from the street to get into the lobby. I struggle heroically up there–exhausted from the travel, and from carrying all my luggage around for an hour. Plus, you know, from being a lazy bastard.
\nChris:<\/strong> I get the door open (a two hands operation, since you have to both turn the key and turn the separate knob–very convenient when carrying luggage), and as I struggle in, all I am thinking is: finally, a shower and a sleep!
\nChris:<\/strong> I look around the lobby for some sign of where my room is.
\nChris:<\/strong> There’s a nice map on the wall that shows which rooms are on which floor.
\nChris:<\/strong> My room is on the 5th floor, the top one. Nice, I’ll have a view. Might even be able to see into the botanical gardens on the other side of St. Kilda.
\nChris:<\/strong> I look around for the elevator, to take me to my room, so I can shower and sleep.
\nChris:<\/strong> Guess what?
\nMatt:<\/strong> sigh
\nChris:<\/strong> Yes, that’s right. Fifth floor walk-up.
\nMatt:<\/strong> Please tell me that there was actually a room at the top of those stairs… with a bed and shower
\nChris:<\/strong> Yes–there’s a ridiculously large apartment there. I will use less than half the space in the apartment while I am here.
\nMatt:<\/strong> And you went right to the office Monday morning?
\nChris:<\/strong> Yes. The office is literally across the street from this building.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"